Frank McKinley delivers five irresistible social skills to help you make more connections, form deeper relationships, and show people you really care—on any platform!
I'm happy to have him on the blog today and hope you'll enjoy his advice.
Frank McKinley is a writing coach, an entrepreneur, and an idea guy. His mission is to help writers engage readers, sell their ideas, and build their tribes. He lives in the country with his wife, two kids, and a dog named Jake. His blog can be found at frankmckinleyauthor.com.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU-LVZiRMRKzuha0N9ODVkA (The Tribe Builder's Network)
Do you dream of making a living with your words?
The thought of working from anywhere is appealing. You can be on the beach, in the coffee shop, or on a train—and write your bestseller.
The dreaming is easy.
What’s hard is figuring out how to get people to care about your message.
How Not to Build a Tribe
It’s mind-boggling how many platforms you can use to share your work.
How do you know which one to choose?
- A self-hosted blog
- A YouTube Channel
- A Twitter profile
- A page on Pinterest
- An Amazon author page
- And more, more, more!
You can try doing them all, but I don’t recommend trying to be everywhere unless you can afford a social media manager.
With all those opportunities to promote yourself, it’s tempting to focus on strategies for succeeding at each one.
That’s good, but it’s time-consuming. And since strategies can change without warning, how do you keep up?
The secret to success is this:
You need to understand what makes people tick.
5 Irresistible Social Skills That Virtually Guarantee Your Success on Any Platform
Wouldn’t it be great to have a magic pill that would make you irresistible to everyone?
It sure would.
Unfortunately, you can’t please everyone.
And to be honest, you don’t want to.
“Wait a minute,” you protest. “You just said you’d teach me some skills that will make me popular with everyone. What gives?”
These skills will work for the people who matter: your target readers, fans, and yes, customers!
Irresistible Social Skill #1: Be a Persistent Encourager.
Who among your friends is your favorite?
I'll bet it’s the one who encourages your dreams.
It’s awesome when you share your life goals with someone and she says, “Yes! You’ve got this. I know you do!”
Contrast that with your friends and family who say, “You want to be a writer? That’s a great hobby. But you’ll need a real job to pay the bills.”
If you were having a party, you’d invite the Encourager, wouldn’t you?
If you want to make a hit with the people you want to serve, encourage their dreams. Tell them every chance you get that they can do this. Success is within their grasp. All they have to do is reach out and take it.
Then you can help them reach far enough to make it come true.
Irresistible Social Skill #2: Assure People That Failure Isn’t Fatal.
Nobody likes to fail.
It’s one thing to fail in private. You might be able to deal with that. But to fail in front of a large audience is excruciating.
I owned a children’s clothing store for three years. I did the best I could to make it successful. But as time went by, the economy in my neighborhood changed. Eventually, I realized my best option was to sell out.
Everyone I knew heard about it. I had countless conversations with well-meaning people interrogating me. Some of my family laughed about it.
I thought about selling all my worldly possessions and joining a commune.
But I survived. Time went by. I learned. I healed. I tried again.
Your readers have failed at something. Let them know you understand. Let them know failure doesn't have to be the end. The sun will rise again. Tomorrow is another day. There’s always a chance to begin anew.
With that assurance, people will love you. They’ll find hope. And they’ll find the courage to chase their dreams.
Irresistible Social Skill #3: Help People Feel Less Afraid.
What scares you?
Raccoons scare me.
One Sunday, my family was loading a riding mower into a trailer. Well, we were attempting to get it in there. But it wouldn’t crank.
I told my wife, “I’ll go get the car and jump it off.”
As I was headed to the carport, I saw a raccoon.
“Hey, guys,” I said. “There’s a raccoon. Be careful.”
I had no idea what would happen next.
By the time I got to the kitchen, I heard screaming.
Like lightning, my wife, son, and daughter burst though the kitchen door.
“What happened?” I asked, fearing the worst.
“That raccoon jumped on me!” my son cried.
“Did it bite you?”
“No, it just grabbed my pants leg. I shook it off, and hurled it into the woods!”
We carefully examined his leg to make sure there were no bite marks.
By the grace of God, there were none.
“God was looking after you today!” I told my son.
After a few minutes, we collected ourselves. We still had to go out and load the mower. It would take all of us to do it.
The problem was my daughter had no intention of going outside after that.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “Drew knocked that raccoon senseless when it hit the gas tank. He won’t be back."
Do you know what your audience is scared of? Let them know it’s okay to be afraid. But also let them know many of the things they fear may not come to pass.
Then maybe they’ll find the courage to attempt the great things you suggest.
Irresistible Social Skill #4: Show People You Know What They’re Thinking.
Say what you will about Rush Limbaugh.
One thing is clear about him. He is successful because he says what a lot of people are thinking.
You can do that too.
You’ll just have to pretend you’re an FBI agent gathering information.
How do you do that without being creepy?
One way that has worked magic for me is to make friends with people who are your target customers. Have conversations with them. Be helpful. Be a good listener. Be generous. You’ll be amazed at what you can learn.
Another way to learn what people want is to join groups. Don’t just observe from afar. Get involved. Answer questions. Give compliments. Ask for help from those who know what you don't. It’s amazing how much support you’ll find in a group of passionate people!
Then you can take what you’ve learned and share it on your social media profiles. When people see you care about their problems and want to help, they’ll follow you anywhere.
Irresistible Social Skill #5: Help People Overcome Their Obstacles.
Something is standing in the way of your dreams.
Maybe you’re working a full-time job and side-hustling as a professional writer.
Or perhaps you want to do more coaching but you can’t get people to say yes to your offer.
It’s enough to make you so hopping mad you want to throw your computer against a brick wall and then light it on fire.
We all need help. We all want to push against the resistance. We want to know that what we’re doing matters, and that people care enough to fight for us.
Why not change that around?
Don’t wait for people to fight for you. Offer yourself as a soldier in someone else’s war. Find a cause you believe in and give all your energy to it. Then you’ll find friends wherever you go.
These Skills Are Universally Powerful
The social skills you’ve just learned are so powerful they work online, offline, and even between the lines.
When you use them, you can get almost anything you want.
So make sure you know what you want before you say or write a word.
Why is that important?
Because when you’re sending out your message, you want to focus totally on the other person. Soothe their pain. Give them the good feeling they’re looking for. Forget about your agenda.
Then you’ll discover what Zig Ziglar said is absolutely true:
You can get everything in life you want if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.
Ready to start building your tribe? Start using these 5 irresistible social skills wherever you go. Use them in every message and you’ll make more connections, form deeper relationships, and show people you really care—on any platform!
An expert editor, seasoned writer, and author-centric marketer, Shayla Raquel works one-on-one with authors and business owners every day. Her blog posts have been featured on popular websites like The Book Designer and Positive Writer. She is the author of the Pre-Publishing Checklist and her novel-in-progress, The Suicide Tree. She lives in Oklahoma with her two dogs, Chanel and Wednesday.